Spirit21

[Somewhat belatedly] Here is an article I wrote for The National’s magazine about ‘My Ramadan‘. It is part of a series of interviews with Muslims from 14 different parts of the world. It’s definitely worth having a look at for it’s breadth, and also some of the glorious pictures – from as diverse places as Pakistan, Rio de Janeiro, LA, East Jerusalem and the UAE amongst others.

image courtesy masiowa.org

My first memories of Ramadan are as a child during the long days of late summer in England. The fasts stretched from just after 2am, when the first light of dawn began to peep through the night sky, till 9pm when it finally set. This Ramadan will be the same.

I was too young to fast then but old enough to know that something magical was happening in these 30 days. ‘Normal life’ came to a stop, and everyone was swept up in the excitement and focused on praying, reading the Quran and of course, food.

Barely five years old, I’d be packed off to bed at eight in the evening so I’d be fresh for school the next day, and as a result I missed out on participating in the family ritual of iftar when it got dark. Then the family would break their fasts with dates.

There was a prayer that they always recited as they bit into their first morsel: “Oh my Lord, it is for You that I fasted, and it is with your sustenance that I break my fast.” It was a reminder that whether eating or not eating, everything was from God and for God.

The weekends were a different matter. We went to the mosque to break our fast with other families. Plates of dates and kettles of tea and coffee were served and then the congregation would rise together for the ritual evening prayer, Maghreb, before sharing a meal. It is this community spirit that is one of the great highlights of Ramadan. People fast together, pray together and eat together.

By the time I was old enough to fast, Ramadan fell earlier in the summer, since the Islamic calendar is based on the lunar year which is 10 or 11 days shorter than the solar year. By now it was June, the longest and probably hottest days of the UK calendar. But I thought nothing of it. I went to school and took part in athletics classes in the midday sun, running in the heat without water.

The rules for fasting in Ramadan are laid out in the Quran. I often reflect that, with today’s body-obsessed society, spending 30 days focusing on the inner rather than the outer doesn’t seem such a bad idea. It’s my morning coffee I miss most but if Ramadan proves anything it’s that addictions can be broken. I find the first few days difficult as the body adjusts. I start to realise how many hours of the day are dedicated to preparing, consuming and tidying up after meals. I also realise how much of my day is filled with frivolities. I feel liberated, as life becomes unexpectedly more productive, resulting in more time for contemplation, spiritual reflection, and even the odd nap. In fact, each breath of the person who fasts is considered worship, awake or asleep.

One of the great cultural traditions of Ramadan is the big evening feast, with special foods. But I feel it is better to stick closely to the usual meal patterns, with just the odd treat here or there. After all, one of the philosophies of Ramadan includes empathising with those who have less than us. That’s just not possible if you are eating more than usual, with special treats. Strangely, some people put on weight during Ramadan.

The hardest part of fasting, is “fasting of the tongue”. No more harsh words, anger, gossip. It’s easier said than done, especially when you haven’t eaten all day. I write the words “Be Nice” on my hand to remind me.

The first day after Ramadan is the festival of Eid. Even though I am filled with excitement and achievement there is a tinge of sadness as the month of Ramadan is over.

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Love in a Headscarf was launched in India at the end of July as the first title of the new imprint Amaryllis, which is part of Manjul Publishing.  They came up with this snazzy cover, which was designed to be vibrant and modern to appeal to the competitive Indian market, and stand out from the usual crowd of memoir.

Sanjana Roy Choudhury, Head of Publishing, Amaryllis, said that ”We plumped for Shelina Zahra Janmohamed’s Love in a Headscarf for our launch, to make people sit up and take notice. There were a few typical literary titles we could’ve launched with, but this was special. It’s a light but sensitive portrayal of the modern British-Muslim woman” .

After less than four weeks in the market, the book is already at number 4 in the bestseller list!

The book has garnered some great coverage. Elizabeth Kuruvilla wrote a feature in Open Magazine talking about “Revolutions in a Headscarf”. And I was in conversation with Nawaid Anjum of the Asian Age who went on to write about “A Muslim Woman’s Quest.”

The Mail Today (which I believe is related to the UK’s Daily Mail) said “Move over Bridget Jones, and makes space for Elizabeth Bennett in a hijab.”

And AllAboutBookPublishing, (a bi-monthly trade journal exclusively dedicated to book publishing industry in India) in an article entitled ‘The act of writing is very courageous’ called the book ‘unputdownable’ (shelina says: what a great word).

Mid Day ran an interesting feature on ‘Writing from behind the veil‘ asking “why Islamic writing in English, especially by women, is piquing reader interest” looking at the journey to getting Love in  Headscarf published, and other books that are sharing a diversity of Muslim women’s stories.

For those of you following the international editions of Love in a Headscarf, the next one will hopefully be released in the USA in the Autumn.

Postscript [31/8/10]: This lovely review from DNAIndia.com (Daily News and Analysis) begins: “ Scarves were once about fashion. Today they’re all about politics. The headscarf is fiercely contested territory with diametrically opposite meanings ranging from ‘oppressive’ to ‘liberating’ depending on who is standing on the soapbox. Which is why Shelina Zahra Janmohamed’s chick-lit cum memoir, Love In A Headscarf is more provocative at second glance.”  and then… “Its wholesome worldview cuts through the hullabaloo around the hijab issue by presenting the simple testimony of one woman’s faith in modern Britain.”

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This article was published yesterday in The National in the UAE.

This weekend, like many millions of Muslims around the world, I will be making my preparations for the Islamic month of Ramadan. The month’s ethos is one of spirituality, centring around 30 days of fasting from dawn to dusk, during which time eating and drinking is prohibited.

Food does, however, remain important throughout the month, and iftar, the meal that breaks the fast at the end of the day, is a time for thankfulness, togetherness and sharing.

The natural result is that preparations include shopping for food to stock up cupboards in anticipation of delicious meals shared with friends and family.

And so it is evident that even while trying to navigate the frugality of Ramadan, that Muslims, too, are consumers – people who hand over money in exchange for goods that meet their needs.

I’m an advocate of the needs of Muslim shoppers being given as much attention and care as any other consumer. After all, Muslims need to buy products – including food. And their specific needs and aspirations are just as important as those of any other consumer. And the money of Muslim shoppers is just as good as any other money.

When it comes specifically to Ramadan, the commercial world has been quick to make money out of a seemingly untapped commercial opportunity. Already, TV soaps, produced to last the exact 30 days of Ramadan, are extremely popular and lucrative. And Eid has become an increasingly commercialised celebration, starting to head towards the same kind of gift-oriented festival that Christmas has become.

Even in Britain, one of the demographic segments that Tesco’s “World Foods” product line specifically targets is Muslims. In catchment areas with a sizeable Muslim population their stores carry well-laden “Ramadan” aisles. Is this is a helpful service by Tesco, being sensitive to the needs of its Muslim consumers and finally recognising their commercial worth, or is Tesco, like many companies and traders round the world, guilty of the commercial exploitation of the month of spirituality?

Has Ramadan become the ultimate brand to be exploited? And will companies do anything to get a share of this lucrative market?

Roy Michel Haddad is the chairman and chief executive of the Middle East and North Africa region for JWT, a global advertising agency. He is clear in his mind that Muslim consumers are just as varied in their needs and aspirations as any other consumer. They just happen to be Muslim. In fact, in his opinion, “There is no Muslim consumer, just a consumer who we have to respond to his wants, needs and desires.” He adds that anyone who looks at Muslims as a commercial opportunity must be wary of assumptions that Muslims can be blanket grouped together.

In Haddad’s mind, however, there is one clear exception where all the vast diversity of Muslim consumers becomes unified – Ramadan. In fact, he asks provocatively, “Does the Muslim consumer exist beyond Ramadan?” And it’s true that Ramadan is exceptionally unifying throughout a diverse Muslim world. There is a cohesiveness of purpose, timing, and behaviour, which rarely exists at any other time.

You might be cynical and argue that using Tesco as an example of a company that sees Ramadan as a commercial opportunity is not relevant because it is a brand that is not Muslim, and therefore doesn’t understand the communal and devotional spirit of Ramadan. Your cynicism might lead you to state that while such big brands as Tesco couch their products in the cuddly marketing language of “meeting customer needs” and “being sensitive to cultures and aspirations”, at the end of the day they are just interested in growing their bottom line.

But what about those companies around the Muslim world that appear to be acting in far more exploitative ways?

Holy Ramadan, Batman! It's the deal of a lifetime!

Earlier in July, Al-Riyadh, the Arabic newspaper, reported that two trading companies in Saudi Arabia had amassed stockpiles of key food stuffs. According to Khaled Al-Homaidan, an economic consultant, the aim was to “hoard essential commodities [and, thus] create an artificial price rise in the Saudi market in the coming weeks prior to Ramadan.”

In Karachi, the prices of sugar, pulses, red chilli, and ghee have climbed ahead of a meeting between the government and wholesalers to fix rates for the month of Ramadan.

Despite the fact that Qatar has ordered fixed prices for the second year running during Ramadan across 156 food and non-food items, the Peninsula newspaper reports that people fear that retailers may increase the rates of other commodities to make profits. In addition, they are concerned that prices will rise gradually before Ramadan to ensure that the frozen price is already high.

In Bangladesh, the commerce minister has asked MPs to keep a watchful eye on profiteering during Ramadan by monitoring how goods are distributed from the Trading Corporation of Bangladesh to local dealers. But the risk is that this simply gives politicians the power to decide which dealers gain access to stocks, which, of course, is not without its dangers of corruption.

In the UAE, the Ministry of Economy is warning that it is consumers themselves who must be vigilant against price manipulation and hoarding. This is despite the fact that it has warned suppliers they will face legal action if the price of basic food items is raised.

That shoppers need to exert their commercial power is a constant theme across countries where companies and brands seem to be taking a profit-oriented approach to Ramadan.

According to Al-Homaidan, the customer can play a decisive role in combating greedy traders. “Consumers should be more selective and should boycott products whose prices have increased exorbitantly,” he said, adding that they must increase their vigilance in order to protect their rights and be careful not to become victims of such exploitation.

And people power is important in upholding the spirit of Ramadan. When the Malaysian tourism minister announced “the first ever Ramadan Summer Festival featuring food, shopping and other fun-filled activities” to attract Middle Eastern tourists, the Consumers’ Association of Penang was “outraged”, adding that Ramadan “is not a tourist product but a sacred month of spiritual enrichment”. They called on the tourism ministry “not to worship tourist dollars”.

There is certainly a line to be drawn between companies and brands truly serving the needs of Muslim consumers, and those that are out to exploit them. And this is a line that Muslim consumers themselves must patrol.

Defeating commercial exploitation is about using the weapons that hurt commercial entities the most – by hitting their bottom line, by holding them to public account and by threatening the reputations on which their brands are built.

Only if Muslim consumers truly believe in the spiritual values of Ramadan and work hard to uphold them for at least this one month of the year, will such abuse come to an end. Otherwise Ramadan will become victim to the very exploitation and material obsession that it sets out to eradicate.

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This article was published in the latest edition of EMEL Magazine.

People often ask me, “Did you always want to be a writer?” I answer that I didn’t know that I was a writer until I made it happen. People also ask me – particularly young women – how they can make an impact on the world? “I want to make a positive change,” they explain. “I want to be a writer.” But behind any headlines or book titles, what you need most is the will to change, and a belief in yourself. Of course, you need to learn how to create the change and you need to be persistent; keep on trying to make the change. You need the intention to engage in making change, simply because it’s the right thing to do. If the outcome is positive, then so much the better, but as long as you’ve done the right thing, that’s the most important part.

Like many teenagers, I went to school struggling with the questions of, ‘who am I?  What’s my identity and what is the meaning of my life?’ I was confused about how I fitted into life – I was Asian, Muslim, and a woman at a very typically English school. I lived three very separate lives, and I was three separate people.

My father has always taught us that education is the most important thing, and it is this fundamental principle that has helped to lay the foundations for who I am, and how I struggled with and resolved my inner conflicts. He would repeat the saying to us:  “Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime.” So with his encouragement, I applied to Oxford University for my undergraduate studies, and I was accepted.

Power to the Poster (designed by Taylor Myers)

When I arrived as a student in this new environment, I found that when I learnt to be confident in myself as one person, to live all my lives in balance; sometimes more as one, sometimes more as another, then I felt truly happy and I felt that I could engage more directly with the world. I had a clearer picture of who I was, and I had a clearer picture of the world that I wanted to create.

I learnt an important point: don’t be afraid to be you. Just do things your way. Be a pioneer. In fact, don’t just not be afraid – be confident in what you have to offer the world – because only you can offer it. You are unique, you can see the world in a way that no-one else can, and it is your responsibility to live up to the blessing of being unique. The best thing that you can possibly be is you.

The famous Spanish artist Salvador Dali explains how he realised this same point, when he said, “At the age of six I wanted to be a cook. At seven I wanted to be Napoleon. And my ambition has been growing steadily ever since: I wanted to be Salvador Dali and nobody else.”

After university, I created a career in marketing for the mobile and internet industry. I worked on some fascinating products and designed things like the world’s first pay as you go internet service.

During this time, September 11 happened, and it changed my own life as a Muslim woman from something that was very private, to a matter for public discussion. Everyone felt that they had a right to talk about me because I was a Muslim. Everyone felt that they had the right to attribute ideas and beliefs to me which I did not have, for example that I was a terrorist.

In 2005, I got asked by a local community paper to write a short article. So, I wrote the piece and discovered that I really enjoyed it. And I realised that when you enjoy something, and you have some raw talent, it is a duty to pursue it. So, I did something very surprising – I asked for a column, and my wish was granted. If you don’t ask, you don’t get. The column turned into a blog called www.spirit21.co.uk which led to writing a book, ‘Love in a Headscarf’.

Change can only come if you say the words. Change only comes if you make it happen.

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This article was published over the weekend at The National in the UAE.

Growing up in Britain during the early waves of Muslim immigration, the mosques that I visited as a child were of two types. The first were ephemeral, ad hoc locations – hired halls, school rooms or community centres that functioned as mosques only during the time they were populated by Muslims. The second were permanent structures converted from old town halls, schools or even churches, and now dedicated solely to their new function as a mosque.

What baffled me most, even as a child, was the crowning of these latter buildings with a little green dome, a homage to the iconic dome of the Prophet’s mosque in Medina, painted deep green. I understand why it was done – a symbolic marking of the building’s new life as a Muslim centre and a replica of the traditional typology of a mosque with dome and minaret. But was it necessary, I wondered. Why did these historic buildings often need to have such incongruous aesthetics that jarred with their surroundings?

It seems that I was not alone in my thoughts and that mosques around the world are starting to think that the relationship of a mosque to its surroundings is about more than just transposing and replicating historic architecture.

Pip Montserrat for The National

This week, the city of Cambridge announced the design of a £13 million (Dh34m) “eco” mosque to be built on environmentally sustainable principles. Tim Winter, the chairman of the trust behind the development, who is also known as Abdul Hakim Murad, said: “We are using the latest heat pumps, conservation technology and green roofs so that we’ll have an almost zero carbon footprin. t is stated in the Quran that God has made believers the stewards and protectors of the Earth and so to harmonise this important environmental ethic with the most important place of worship in Islam makes perfect sense.”

He is certainly part of a growing global Muslim movement towards eco-friendly living. The movement echoes the very principles on which the mosque in Medina was first built using local materials – stone foundations, mud bricks for the walls, and palm trunks for the pulpit and the columns.

In Abu Dhabi, students of the school of architecture at the American University of Sharjah have created a sustainable template for “mosques of the future in the UAE”. It takes no electricity from the grid. Instead, it incorporates solar panels, wind towers, geothermal cooling, shading devices, wind turbines and natural ventilation.

Dr Ahmed Mokhtar, associate professor of architecture at the school, said: “I wanted my students to understand that architectural design can significantly impact the resource consumption of a building. I also wanted them to see how energy-saving strategies as generators can be used in innovative architectural forms.”

Dr Mokhtar said the students analysed Abu Dhabi’s weather data using computer software and decided on appropriate design strategies that fitted the two seasons of the city: winter with cool to temperate conditions, and summer with hot and humid conditions. The strategies included large openings that encourage natural ventilation during the winter season, as well as the use of the minaret for wind capture. Roofs would be built to maximise the use of solar energy with solar panels that run absorption chillers during the summer.

In a region known more for the flamboyance of its mosques – the construction costs of Abu Dhabi’s magnificent Sheikh Zayed Mosque is estimated at more than US$500 million (Dh1,800m) – this focus on resource management and sustainability reflects a change of ethos.

In Singapore, the country’s first eco-friendly mosque was built in May last year with energy-saving solar tubes that are also skylights, a garden rooftop and motion-sensor lights, earning it the Green Mark certification from Singapore’s Building and Construction Authority. One complaint often made about mosque cloakrooms, where worshippers carry out their ablutions, is the amount of water that goes to waste. This mosque has taps fitted with regulating devices that provide a much lower flow.

Interestingly, neither the template produced by the Abu Dhabi students, nor the mosque in Singapore feature domes in their design.

It is worth noting that the Singapore mosque also features family-oriented spaces, including child-friendly lavatories, a reading and play area as well as a function hall. Such community and pastoral features are increasingly common in mosques that realise that maintaining a strong relationship between the edifice and its congregation is essential to the core function of the mosque.

Like the move towards mosques that are more in tune with their natural environment, more and more mosques are considering their relationship with their urban environment – its people.

Abdul Lateef Whiteman, a British Muslim architect with a rigorous modernist training, says that it was in North Africa that he first experienced the notion of “building as sanctuary a place offering refuge and a stillness”. He seemed particularly drawn to natural materials such as adobe, which confer what in his mind is an important benefit on a communal building – it has to be regularly maintained by the members of the community, quite literally investing themselves in the building. He is right – this community involvement is critical, for it is the people and their intention that make the space sacred.

A faith building ought not to be about imposing power, but rather about fostering inclusivity; and that can mean inclusivity in the creation and maintenance of the building, as well as the worship that occurs within its walls. For me, it is these relationships between the individual and the congregation, and the people and the building, that must be at the heart of any successful modern mosque design. Eco-friendliness is just one component of the relationship between the mosque and its surroundings. As for the trend for epic grand mosques – and it is undeniable that the design must inspire the worshipper towards the sublime – it cannot be so aloof as to exclude. Its design, construction and pastoral services have to flourish from the worshippers themselves if they are to have meaning and be long-lasting.

The mosque must be geographically close to the worshipper so its artistry and design can fulfil its objective of constantly inspiring the worshipper. It must also create intimacy with the worshipper so that the worshipper can at once feel part of the congregation, but also feel like a unique individual. Most importantly, individuals must recognise something of themselves in the design. That is why mosques that reflect the local cultures are so powerful.

When I travelled to China, where the first mosque was built around the 7th century, the most unexpected thing is that the mosque architecture has a strong resemblance to Chinese temples, with successive courtyards, gardens and the prayer halls in the shape of pagodas. That in itself is inspiring, because it reflects the diversity of creation and grounds the building into the community.

It is definitely an important point that the construction of the mosque be environmentally sustainable. However, what needs constant investment and nurturing in order to ensure its long-term sustainability is the community itself. If a house of worship has no worshippers – no matter how eco-friendly, with no matter how many domes or minarets – it is nothing but a beautiful edifice haunted by a community that either was, or could have been.

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I often get asked about how I came to be a writer, how I published a book, and what advice I have for aspiring writers. Well, if you are someone who is thinking about writing, then the event that I’m speaking at tomorrow evening is just for you!

I’ll be on a panel with two other Muslim women writers speaking about our experiences in the publishing world.  Na’ima B.Robert, author of From Somalia with Love and From my Sisters’ Lips will be there, along with Sufiya Ahmed, the author of Zahra’s First Term at the Khadija Academy and Zahra’s Great Debate.

This is the perfect event if you want to find out about writing, or simply hear about the experiences of those who have managed to make it through a very competitive industry, and actually get published.

Na’ima says: “I promise that you will go away empowered and invigorated, armed with the experience of fellow writers, ready to pursue your own writing dreams, insha Allah. Please do invite others and come and share your talents and writing dreams with us.”

The event will be held on Wednesday 21st July from 630pm to 8pm. Toynbee Hall, 28 Commercial Street, E1 6LS. Tickets are £10 on the door.

And if you wish to pick up a signed copy of any of the author’s books, they will be available on sale.

See you tomorrow!

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Exciting news! The latest foreign edition of my book “Love in a Headscarf” has been published! This time, it’s in the Netherlands for a Dutch version. I think they’ve done a great job with the cover – very sassy.

And for any readers of a Dutch-speaking persuasion, here is the link, and the blurb in Dutch is below.

Happy reading, Netherlands!

***

Het ware geloof heeft ze gevonden, maar waar is de ware in de liefde?

‘Toen ik dertien was wist ik dat ik met John Travolta ging trouwen. Op een dag zou hij voor mijn deur staan me ten huewelijk vragen. Daarna zou hij zich bekeren tot de islam en een toegewijde moslim worden.

Shelina houdt een verrassend geheim verborgen onder haar hoofddoek: ze is op zoek naar ‘de ware’. Met aan de ene kant de imams en haar traditionele familie, en aan de andere kant haar romantische idealen, besluit ze om de weg te gaan van moslima’s: ze wil Mr Right vinden via een gearrangeerd huwelijk. Shelina’s boeiende avontuur begint als een zoektocht naar ware liefde maar onderweg leert ze vooral zichzelf en haar geloof beter kennen.

Liefde met een hoofddoek is het waargebeurde en grappige verhaal van een van de meest vooraanstaande moslimschrijfsters uit Engeland en biedt een uiterst vermakelijk, fris en verrijkend inzicht in wat het betekent om een zelfbewuste moderne moslima te zijn.

Shelina Zahra Janmohamed studeerde in Oxford en woont in Londen. Ze schrijft columns en artikelen voor tijdschriften en kranten en is vaak te gast bij Britse tv-programma’s.

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I admit that the last few weeks have not been as timely as a weekly Friday round-up ought to be, but I’m sticking with my story that it’s just way too hot in the UK to write regularly.

According to the Canadian Centre for Occupational Health and Safety (yes, I know that I was looking for facts to back up a pre-determined theory), heat can affect the brain by:

• Loss of concentration
• Loss of efficiency in mental tasks

And of course, writing requires both of those.

Anyway, I wanted to share a couple of thoughts…

I was reading last Thursday’s Metro as I travelled on the London underground and was struck by two stories carried by the same edition.  The first was aimed at women looking for help in choosing a swimsuit for their summer holidays by the beach. The article begins:

“Walking around half naked in front of a bunch of strangers is something every woman dreads. But as we jet off for sunnier climes, that’s exactly what we’ll all be doing.”

It just makes me wonder, if every woman dreads walking around in skimpy clothing, then why do it? The answer appears a little later in the article, albeit somewhat unwittingly:

“Each season we’re bombarded with campaign images of girls wearing next to nothing as they advertise the latest summer styles for fashion brands…[ ... ] ‘Many people are fooled by marketing,’

But what really struck me as baffling was that elsewhere in the paper, there was a story that read: “One in four men ogle beauties at the beach.” The article added:

“And 68 per cent of women in the poll of 1,500 people said they often worried about their partner looking at other women on vacation, compared with just 23 per cent of men.”

So women themselves don’t want to wear skimpy attire at the beach, and then the fact that other women are also dressed scantily (presumably they also feel uncomfortable?) makes them feel additionally anxious.

But marketing tells women they should do this, so that makes it ok.

In another news, Altmuslimah.com has started running the Dating Dialogues. Focusing on creating debate around building healthy marital relationships, the dialogues will be a forum which: “aims to explore topics such as gender relations, courtship, marriage, divorce, and sexuality in an honest, engaging, and constructive manner that will help both individuals and communities.”

You can imagine that with my first book being Love in a Headscarf, I’ll be watching with interest (and participating too).

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This article was first published in EMEL Magazine.

I remember the day that I first fell in love. I was thirteen, and the film Grease was playing on TV. And there he was. Cool, trendy, good looking and ready to do anything for his girl. He was of course John Travolta, and I had no doubt that he would turn up on my doorstep and ask me to marry him. Things didn’t quite work out like that – he went on to become a scientologist, and I set off on my own quest for love.

The stories and legends we grow up with though, make it tough for reality to live up to those kind of epic romances. I thought back to the fairytales that I had grown up with; these were the stories which shape the ideas of our culture about love. Without even realising it, the innocent tales had whispered into my ears, and those of my peers, were simple words that influence the way that we see the world.

To find true love, I would have to be as beautiful as sleeping beauty, which meant that my prince had to be a strong testosterone fuelled hero who could chop down forests… which seemed a bit, well, neanderthal to me.

Or, to find true love, I’d also have to be as lovely and caring as Cinderella who was nice even to her wicked step sisters, but then I wasn’t sure I wanted to be with a prince who was so fickle that he could only recognise me when I was all dressed up. What! He needed a fancy designer shoe to identify that I was a real beauty inside and out?

And on both counts, I didn’t feel like I needed to be rescued or saved from household drudgery or from a century long snooze. I was – still am – a modern woman, who is quite capable of saving herself. But just because I can, doesn’t mean that I want to.

The thing is, I rather like the idea of having someone around – not from financial or social necessity, but to support, love and encourage each other. Love for completion, love for fulfilment. Love for spiritual wayfaring.

It might be fun to play at princes and princesses, but once you’ve taken away the pretty frocks, glass slippers and big castles, that’s when you know who both of you really are, and what you bring for each other. When you take away the wrapping paper and ribbon, is it still love?

It’s worth remembering as we enter the wedding season:  Love isn’t perfect or airbrushed, it can’t be. In fact, we should be strong enough to assert that love should not be so hideously plastic or saccharine.    It is easy to love in the moments of beauty and happiness.  The challenge for us is to still love when it is difficult,  because I believe that is when love is  at its most rewarding .

It is at that moment that our human essence fulfils its purpose to selflessly serve another. And at that very same time, despite our own imperfections, we are intimately recognised and cherished for our own essence.

Love takes time and perseverance, not just weeks or months, but years – even decades – through those clichéd good times and bad, the proverbial ups and downs. Love starts out as exciting, full of the heady rush of romance, and we must celebrate new couples and help them enjoy the phase of red roses and moonlit walks. Even those who have made it through the journey of life together, can share a moment of exquisite romance and the pure joy that it brings.

Collecting those early experiences in a memory bank can anchor the moments when love becomes hard work. A memory bank is love’s rainy-day-fund. A memory bank brings the rewards of the investment that all those who wish to love, and be loved, need to make. But those investments must be carefully selected, and cultivated with care and attention.  Love is certainly the enjoyment of the rose, but it is also the pleasure of seeing the plant grow. And that, of course, takes time.

In our age of speed and convenience – or as John Travolta would have said – the age of ‘Greased lightening’ -  love is the one thing that continues to beat to its own patient rhythm.

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Some of you have noticed that last week’s Miscellany was missing. It was hot. Just way too hot. So I’m afraid that the Miscellany was dropped. (sorry). All writers will tell you that they have specific conditions which are / are not conducive to writing, and if you’ve been following me on facebook/twitter you’ll know that I can’t write when it’s too hot. Hopefully we’ll return to more temperate climes in the coming days…

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